- Authentic Love
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In Class 45 you will:
- learn all about authentic love
- that real love cannot end
Kobi loaded up his gun,
adjusted his glasses and helmet and jumped down from the tank. As he ran towards
the shot up wall of the small disused school in front of him, he thought for a
second of his boys, Kai – the eldest, would have been at school in Melbourne
right now, it seemed another planet away.
He stopped and gazed
through his sights for the enemy and not for the first time, wondered. He
wondered why? How? How had it come to this and why do we still fight like this?
It felt surreal in that moment, for just then he saw the ‘enemy’ climbing a tree
behind a building looking for ‘him’. Or anyone like him. He had no helmet, no
glasses, his gun was more of a rifle, but what struck Kobi more than anything
was that he was a child. He could be no more than Kai’s age but most likely was
younger. He was skinny and malnourished and wearing a scarf over his head, but
Kobi could still see his eyes and they immediately haunted him, scarred him.
There was so much hate and so much soulless fear.
He heard a flurry of
bullets from next to him and the child soldier exploded, literally exploded as
he fell from the tree. Kobi turned to Joe his mate next to him who had fired the
shots and he was smiling, it was their task, their orders, but as Kobi looked
back through his sights, he could see the boy on the ground, his eyes still
open, glazed and empty betraying his hate, staring at him.
Kobi watched for a long
time through the sights. He watched as no one came. As no one seemed to even
know. He stood up and looked all around and everything was deathly silent, or at
least that was how it seemed. Because a moment later he realised that there was
actually a cacophony going on, the tank was still revving, soldiers around him
were loading up rocket launchers, barking orders and the radio in his ear, was
repeating his name.
“You all right?”
“Yup” he whispered.
“I have been calling you
for a while!”
“Return to TM39 ”
Kobi stood up slowly in
a trance, walked and then ran back to the tank, to his captain.
“Sir!” he yelled,
saluting, reverting to his training.
“Stevens, I have some
news from Oz,” he paused. “Your boy is sick, very sick. I have your wife on the
Kobi took the handset.
“Kobe” his wife gasped.
“I love you. There is some bad news, I am afraid. Kai’s got some kind of kidney
disease that might kill him.”
“What? How did that
happen so fast?”
“Well those tests I told
you about, they all came back negative, he needs a kidney now, there seems no
other way around it”
Kobi looked into the
distance, looked straight back at those eyes, and suddenly there was not another
thing in the world that mattered. “All right I am coming home. I will be home as
fast as I can even if I have to go AWOL.”
“Kobe, I am scared. He
looks so weak and they cannot find a match.”
“Sweetie can he have
“I don’t think so, it
needs to be juvenile.”
“I am coming home. I’ll
talk to you as soon as I can get organised. I love you, darling. Darling, I love
He walked back to the
captain and handed the phone to him. Nothing seemed real, suddenly nothing,
absolutely nothing seemed important. He cursed himself for being there so many
miles away. It had made sense before. He was going to work over here for a few
years and that way he would be able to buy a house and the things the boys and
Stace, his wife, needed, deserved. Now it seemed like the craziest decision of
his life. He had been away for so many years and probably at least another two,
just for some things. He liked the travel, the adventure, the adrenalin, and he
told himself that he believed in the war but now all he could see was those eyes
and they were closer to him, more embedded in his heart than his own son’s. And
he realised suddenly the thought that had been plaguing him since he arrived was
true, that nothing was going to be resolved by fighting. No matter how much
force, how big the guns, nothing would come from this war. The hate would simmer
and resurface, and the murders, the killers would carry in their conscience
every single soul that they had harmed, injured for generations – carrying the
scars of a psychotic serial killer.
He realised completely
in that moment that violence did not win wars at home or on the street or even
at the pub and there was no way it was going to win here in the deserts of some
shattered country. He knew in every atom of his being suddenly, that violence
was about the worst force there was on the planet and he decided in that moment,
that he would take no further part, no matter the cost.
He couldn’t help it, but
he kept looking back to the dead child soldier and seeing his son, Kai.
Imagining him in pain, imagining him dying and the tears welled and ran down his
face. He felt such love for the boy, he felt for his son and all he wanted now
was to get home.
A few days later,
getting off the plane and then out the door to the people waiting at Melbourne
Airport was about the best feeling he had ever had. There was Stace and the
kids, Kai and Olly. He hugged them and cried and cried like no one could see and
it didn’t matter, Kobi was home.
He hugged Stacey for the
longest time and breathed. It was the first time since he left that he had
breathed that deeply, really breathed. He hugged 7 year old Olly who loved his
Dad so much but had barely seen him and then he grabbed Kai and the strangest
thing happened. He was crying uncontrollably and he wasn’t sure at first it
wasn’t his tears, but as soon as he hugged him, he could see the child soldier.
His heart seemed to be physically expanding within his chest because he could
feel the grief of the child soldier’s mother, his father and brothers had been
killed already, and so he was the mother’s last child, last family. As he hugged
Kai he felt them all, he felt next the three people he had killed, two soldiers
and a merchant he had thought was carrying a bomb. And again, he felt their
stories, of fathers with children, children with sisters and brothers lost and
afraid and the scars of how much they hated those that had killed their kin. He
felt them all as his heart grew and grew within him.
He whispered gently over
and over, "I love you Kai, it's gonna be all right, I love you Kai"
Then he saw the hundreds
of dead people that had been killed by bombs or fire from his battalion, they
flashed before him and again he felt the love that had been the fathers and
brothers and mothers and sisters and children and children and children. His
heart was absolutely aching as it stretched out to encompass all these souls. He
looked into Kai’s eyes as Stace and Olly hugged him too and he realised that
this was real love. Real authentic love. That it was impossible to love one
person truly, without loving every person. For that matter, every tree, every
flower, every animal. That real love had no limits, it had no point at which it
stopped, that real authentic love connected one to the whole. Then he felt his
army mates, he felt their stories, their loved ones, his family, his brother and
sisters, his mum and dad who’d recently passed while has was away fighting. His
heart seemed to be going through labour pains as if he was struggling to be
He stopped and thought
again. ‘Love has no endings. If it is authentic, it must keep expanding, it must
be unconditional, it must be for all. I cannot truly love one thing, yet hate
another. That is not love, that is a child’s football game.’
“Dad this is Zakir,”
said Kai pointing from within his father’s arms to another boy who had travelled
with them to the airport with his parents who were obviously Pakistani dressed
in full Muslim garb.
“O I am sorry Maha,”
said Stacey, “Kobi, this is Maha and Manjib, and their son Zakir.”
Kobi took the hand of
the father Manjib and folded his hands and bowed as a pranam to Maha, he then
reached across to Zakir and shook his hand. These were the exact people he had
been killing overseas.
“Pleased to meet you. I
am REALLY pleased to meet you” he repeated, feeling more and more abhorrence for
the war and what he had done and sure as a summer breeze that where he was now,
was exactly the place he wanted to be.
“They are our neighbours
and Zakir is Kai’s best friend,” said Stacey.
“Dad, Zakir says he
will give me a kidney,” said Kai, suddenly looking extremely weak and sick.
And as Kobi looked at
Zakir and Kai – again he was haunted by the face of the child soldier only now
his face was smiling, his eyes sparkling, as if everything had happened exactly
as it had to. Perhaps all this he realised, his whole life had been up until
that point, to come to this moment, to come to this realisation that there was
nothing better or higher than real love and that to be authentic it had to be
for all souls, for all life, for all. There was actually no Aussie, no
Pakistani, no American, no Englishman, no Christian, no Muslim, no democrat, no
socialist. ‘We are all a part of each other,’ he realised, ‘these are just
labels of the parts of us that have no importance. No importance at all.’
“He’s a match,”
whispered Stacey whilst Manjib and Maha beamed approvingly.
As Kobi stood there
holding Kai, Stacey and Olly, tears rolled down his face more and more
uncontrollably and as Kai reached out for Zakir, Kobi reached out to Manjib and
Maha. There had been no perfect moments in Kobi’s life up to that point,
no time he had really known for sure he was doing exactly what he should. But
this was unmistakeably one. He felt finally, home, not because he was in
Melbourne, but because he had found his way to the place he had been searching
for. He cried and cried. Within him he felt the child soldier now with gratitude
and love and relief, overwhelming relief.
“I love you Daddy, I
really, really love you,” said Kai.
“You know Kai,” Kobi
sobbed, “I know what you mean. I love you too, my beautiful boy.”
- Authentic Love
Alternate download sites>>
for your meditation as usual
Take a few
deep breaths and reflect for a moment on how you love. What do you
feel in your body when you love? How does your mind feel? Your
heart? What would it take to increase the way you love? Can you
double the love you are feeling right now?
For a moment
reflect on a favourite place of yours. Perhaps a mountain or a beach
or a river you really, really love. Take a moment to close your eyes
and remember that place. Allow yourself to feel love for it and then
take a moment to feel how the love feels. How does it feel in your
body? In your head? In your heart? Then increase the feeling.
Increase the love.
another place perhaps even in another country, you don’t have to
have even been there. Just love it. Let the vision of the place
evoke your hearts deeper and deeper love.
place and go through the same process. Then another. Feel all these
places as though they are a part of you, a part of your soul, as
though there are shafts of light joining you to them. See more and
more places that you love and see these shafts of light stretching
to all corners of the earth.
try and see yourself with streaks of light, shafts of love to
hundreds of different places.
Move to your
house or the place you live and spend some time appreciating it,
loving it. Releasing all the things you have to do in your house and
just send your love to it, for sheltering you and protecting you and
in all the ways you can offer appreciation and love.
reflect on the animals you love. It might be a dolphin or a whale or
a chimp or a bird. Take a moment to feel how you love them. Again
what does your body feel like? Is it different to a place? How does
your head or your heart feel?
Perhaps you have pets, how
does your love for them feel? Is it more conditional? Can you feel
how they love you?
How does love for inanimate
objects like your home or your car feel? Where do you feel it?
What about your partner? Or
your kids? Or your parents or brothers and sisters?
As you explore the way you love - over and over
again, try and double the way you love, and double it and double it