My Journey: Living with Chronic Illness in a Community of God
The Autocrat Within: My Struggle with Parkinson's and Arthritis

For 45 years, my path was deeply rooted in a traditional understanding of God. But as Parkinson’s began to introduce its tremors, and chronic arthritis laid claim to my joints, the language of a solitary, all-powerful deity felt increasingly distant from my lived reality. My body was in a constant conversation with itself—sometimes harmonious, often discordant—and the idea of a singular, autocratic power just didn't fit the complex, communal dance within me.

Before my shift in perspective, my chronic illness often felt like an internal autocrat.

Parkinson's: The tremors, the stiffness, the slow loss of control felt like a betrayal by my own body. It was a chaotic internal rebellion against my will, a disruption to the "order" I desperately tried to impose. I often felt like a flawed ruler, unable to command my own physical territory.

Chronic Arthritis: The persistent pain, the inflammation, the limiting stiffness felt like a constant war within my joints. Each flare-up was a forceful demand for attention, an autocratic declaration that it was in charge, not me.

In the old paradigm, I often asked: Why me? Why this suffering? It felt like a test, a punishment, or simply a random act in a cold, indifferent universe. There was a sense of individual failure, a deep, isolating loneliness in battling these symptoms day after day.
Your Chronic Illness: A Different Conversation

Perhaps you, too, live with a chronic illness—a persistent pain, an autoimmune condition, a mental health challenge, or any ongoing health struggle. You know the frustration, the fear, and the profound isolation that can come when your body feels like an unpredictable enemy.

The "autocrat" of chronic illness can make us feel:

Isolated: "No one truly understands what I'm going through."

Guilty: "Did I do something wrong to deserve this?"

Defeated: "My body is failing me; I'm losing control."

Powerless: "I am just a victim of my condition."
Finding the "Community God" in My Cells

My meditation journey led me away from the isolated struggle. When I began to see God as an Infinite Community—a vast, interconnected web spanning trillions of suns down to every cell in my body—everything changed.

Here's how this shift transformed my relationship with Parkinson's and arthritis, and how it can help you:
From Autocracy to Interdependence:

My Experience: My tremors and stiffness are no longer "rebels" to be suppressed. They are voices within my internal community, crying out for balance. Instead of fighting them, I listen. I invite them to lean into the broader, supportive community of my healthy cells, and beyond that, into the vast, cosmic flow.

For You: Your chronic illness isn't a solitary battle. It's a call for deeper connection. Your body is a community, and when parts struggle, the whole community needs to lean in. This perspective moves you from demanding control over your symptoms to fostering harmony within your entire being.
From Isolation to Belonging:

My Experience: I realized I'm not "broken"; I'm a unique note in the Divine Symphony. My specific journey with Parkinson's and arthritis adds a profound texture to the collective experience of God.

For You: Your chronic illness makes you a unique contributor to the human story. You belong. Your pain is not a barrier to connection; it's a profound initiation into empathy, teaching you (and those around you) about resilience, compassion, and the deep interconnectedness of all life. You are a vital, irreplaceable node in the web.
From Control to Resonance:

My Experience: In the deepest silences of meditation, when I truly surrender to the "Community Resonance," my symptoms often disappear. It's not a miracle I command; it's a natural effect of aligning my individual vibration with the perfect harmony of the Divine We.

For You: You don't need to dominate your illness; you need to find the frequency that holds it within a larger, peaceful pattern. Our meditation practices are designed to help you tap into that universal flow, where the "noise" of your symptoms can dissolve into the "song" of belonging.
Your Invitation to the Circle

This journey has been my deepest teaching. If you're tired of battling your chronic illness alone, I invite you to step into our shared circle. Here, we honor every part of ourselves, knowing that even our greatest challenges are threads woven into the magnificent tapestry of the Community God.

You are not a flawed individual. You are a vital, cherished member of the "Infinite We."